I consider the day I decided to sit next to the new kid in a middle school science class a turning point in my life. Until that point I had spent most of my time with other girls and while they were (and are) wonderful, there was something refreshing about talking to a guy. When I got to high school I found myself drawn to hanging out with the guys and subsequently suffered from far less drama than other girls I knew. When they were in tears because some other girl was spreading rumors about them I just thought about my guy friends and thought, “I am so glad I don’t have to deal with that crap!”
Seriously, get over yourself!
So what’s the difference?
#1 Frank Honesty
Women (in general) tend to be more concerned with what others think about us so we don’t always say what we are actually thinking. My guy friends all seem to agree that the hardest thing about talking to women is that we don’t always say what we mean. Girls, how many times have we told our friends/family they looked nice and we really thought they looked hideous? This person is our friend so we want to make them feel better, but in reality we just lied to their face! Now I’m not saying we should start making fun of our friends when they show up to a party looking like a clown, but we should take a moment to consider the effect of what we don’t say.
While amusing, I’m sure I would have been ostracized by society long ago.
When a guy thinks his friend looks or does something stupid he will probably call him out on it; not to be mean, that’s just how men are. The friend can then either decide he doesn’t care what the first guy thinks or realize that he is being stupid and make better choices. Women need to have guy friends who help her stop taking herself so seriously.
#2 Problem Solving:
Sometimes it is nice to have your female friends reaffirm your thoughts and actions, but sometimes you need a guy to tell you that you don’t make sense. For example, when I’m fuming because someone ticked me off, my husband lets me get it out in a way that doesn’t turn into gossip and calls me out when I decide I need to do something incredibly dumb to solve the problem. Men are problem solvers and less prone to emotional outbursts. My guy friends don’t get caught up in the emotions of the situation and let me know if my hormone driven solution doesn’t make any logical sense.
But wait, if men are so much more logical then why do they still do stupid things? Well, men may not always stop to think about their own actions (in fact, they may actually egg their friends on to do dumb things because they know the fallout will be funny), but they can still offer an unbiased listening ear when needed.
#3 Entertainment Value:
Right now I am the only girl in my department and I love it! I’m married so I’m not referring to any romantic attention, I’m referring to the show: When one of my co-workers pulls out a Nerf gun and shoots my boss in the back of his bald head it’s funny! When my boss pours water on that guy’s chair and waits for him to sit down it’s funny! Listening to them give each other a hard time is always amusing because they aren’t being mean, it’s just guy talk for, “We’re cool dude.” Girl’s can learn a thing or two about loosening up and having a good time; not beer and walk-of-shame good time, just good clean fun!
I know you want tickets to this gun show!
http://failblog.cheezburger.com/wins/tag/Nerf
* A note on the dreaded Friend Zone*
I’m sure he just bought me flowers because he wants to be my friend!
Men, I know there are so many of you out there who are going crazy because you are that awesome guy friend for some girl and you want to be more. All I can say is, try not to obsess over it. It won’t help matters and it isn’t healthy. Keep in mind, some of the best romantic relationships grow from friendship first, so you may just have to wait it out. On the other hand, don’t wait too long for a girl that is clearly not interested or not worthy of your affection. Some girls enjoy the attention they get from multiple suitors and really aren’t making the most of a true friendship. If you find yourself doing everything for her and she doesn’t appreciate you then you need to move on!
Ladies, a real friendship with a guy does not mean leading him on so he will buy things for you. A real friendship with a guy is doing and talking about things you both enjoy. It is being honest about what you think and feel. Don’t take advantage of a one-sided friendship.
*** What are your thoughts? Do you think men and women can ever just be friends?***
Absolutely! Source: I am a guy who has very close friends who are girls who are not my wife.
ReplyDeleteIt all depends on mutual trust and respect. I respect them as people and do not think of them as possible romantic objects which I can purchase through spending enough money and/or time and they trust that I will continue to respect them. I think a lot of this "friendzone'd" nonsense stems from this idea that one can "purchase" a woman's romantic affections through doing "nice things," which is a start, but the thing about nice things is that you do them because they are nice, not because it's going to get you some affection. I mean, the very premise is kind of ridiculous. I did nice things for a girl and now she considers me her friend! I AM OUTRAGED HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN. C'mon. You have a good friend. Isn't that a reward in of its own?
Thanks for sharing some insight from the Y side of life! I was surprised when I came to college and it seemed like I could not have a male friend without him being a romantic interest. Heaven forbid a woman spend time with a bunch of male friends! She must be leading them all on. I respect men enough to know that not all of them want to take advantage of women and as a woman I can say that we are not all trying to take advantage of the attention we receive from men. Respect really does seem to be the key here
ReplyDeleteWhen I didn't live in Utah, almost all my friends were guys. Sure, I had my girl friends, but I also had my guy friends as well. People I could hang out with, be stupid with, game with, host LAN parties and order pizza with. So refreshing! Now that I do live in Utah, the only guys around are for my boyfriend and I miss my guy friends. =(
ReplyDelete